apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize