my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
