i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize