She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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