Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
