Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
