I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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