Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
