I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Be still, my beating vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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