that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
