it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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