He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
