we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
accomplished twins. life is a go
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
