you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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