I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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