I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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