I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
