I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
