I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
