i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
