some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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