just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
