What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
