we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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