Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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