Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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