is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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