I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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