You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
