The best revenge is premature balding
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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