Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize