Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
