You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
