after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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