A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
