They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
