Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
