i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The power of my boobs compel you
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
