Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
