Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
