Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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