If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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