Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
