forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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