My friends, they love my intelligence
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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