i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
