i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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