We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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