capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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