He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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