i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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