he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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