She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize