Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
