You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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