she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
