I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
