He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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